Bam! Pow! Zowie! Have you ever wondered what the first date between Lois Lane and Superman was like? I can't imagine it went well. Picture poor Lois sitting down with this guy for the first time and he:
1. Shows up wearing blue tights and a red cape.
2. Claims to be from outer space.
3. Says one of his favorite hobbies is flying and no, he doesn't mean in a plane.
Luckily, superheroes are fictitious. No one outside of cartoonland has ever dated one. Right?
Meet Z. Two years ago, Z and I were on a date in the West Village. It was a cold, November evening and we were seated just a few feet from a roaring fireplace. Z wasn't exactly my type, but he was a nice enough guy and things were going OK. He had adopted a child a few years before and was telling me some stories about life as the single father of a six-year old. Since Halloween had only been a couple evenings earlier and, because Halloween is a pretty big deal for most children the age of Z's son, I asked if they had celebrated, prompting this exchange to take place:
Z: Sure, Halloween was a lot of fun this year. I was Batman.
Tom: (thinking I misheard him):Your son was Batman?
Z: No, my son was Darth Vader. I was Batman.
Tom: For a Halloween party?
Z: No.
Tom: You dressed up to take your son trick or treating?
Z: No.
Tom: You dressed up to pass out candy at your door?
Z: No.
Z then talks about his Batman costume. A lot. He tells me how much he liked wearing it. Apparently he decided to leave his Bruce Wayne persona behind that afternoon and slipped into his superhero alter ego until far past midnight. OK, I thought. It was Halloween. Many adults dressed up in costumes. Then:
Z: I have pictures!
Tom: Of your son?
Z: No. Of me.
Having a conversation with an adult about his Halloween costume is one thing. But sitting in a restaurant and looking at a dozen photos of your date who was apparently snapping pictures of himself standing in a room alone while dressed as Batman does not make you think you have found your one true love. When Z's phone rings a few minutes later, there's no way to not wonder if it's Commissioner Gordon on the line, desperately in need of Z's help. It was all I could do to not look out the window to see if I could spot the Bat signal lit up in the sky.
By mutual consent, there was no second date. I never did see Z again, but that's the way it goes with superheroes. They're in your life for a moment, and then they're off to fight crime and save the world from certain destruction. I do think about Z from time to time and wonder what became of him. I hope that at some point Batman found his Robin. I like to think that they're off together scouring the streets of Gotham City, fighting crime, holding hands and being happy.
