Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Doctor Will See You Now...And Later


About 2 weeks ago I was sitting in the doctor’s waiting room when an old man decided to talk to me. I don’t know why strangers often do this – apparently there's something about my face that calls out: “Please come tell me about yourself. ” From the homeless man on the subway who once told me all about his childhood to a stranger seated at the next table in a restaurant one evening who told me about her unhappy marriage to the grieving widower who bought me a beer while he talked about his loss. People I've never met before tell me things.

Anyway, the gentleman in question had been shuffling his way to the exit when he makes an abrupt turn in my direction, points to me and says out of nowhere “You know, my father gave me a piece of advice that I didn’t listen to and I should have.” He gives a long, dramatic pause worthy of a supporting daytime Emmy nod before continuing. “He said – don’t get old.”

He then proceeds to sit down and fills me in on the trials, tribulations and outright challenges of being a senior citizen. A large part of his life now, he says, involves juggling a myriad of doctor’s appointments. “I see so many doctors I don’t remember one from the next! Sometimes I look at the doctor’s name and I have to think – now what is this guy for? I got prescriptions that I don’t have time to get filled. I got x-ray appointments, cardiograms and stress tests. Stress tests! The only thing causing me stress is all these goddamn doctors!” Before he stands up and continues on his way he pats me on the back and says “Trust me. Don’t get old.”

I hate to say this to him, but he’s preaching to the choir.

In the past couple years, since I progressed from mid to late-40’s, I find I have more and more medical appointments. Especially lately. Over the past several months, I’ve developed a chronic ache in my right calf, feet that are painfully stiff first thing in the morning and high cholesterol. I have been sonogrammed, x-rayed, MRI’d and reminded I’m overdue for a colonoscopy. I’ve been warned about blood clots, sciatica, nerve damage and heart attacks. I’ve had enough blood drawn to cause a vampire feeding frenzy and been offered so many muscle relaxants it’s a surprise I can still sit upright. If my doctor and I continue to see each other at this rate, we’ll need to start choosing a china pattern.

Now, don’t get me wrong. These are not serious medical conditions. I understand how lucky I am to be in relatively good shape and am very grateful to not have the health struggles that many other people face. It’s just difficult to continue believing you can move along like you’re still 25, when standing up can sometimes make you feel like you need to sit down. Middle age can strip away many of your delusions and, quite frankly, I’d like some of mine back.

This week, I get the results from the latest test on my right calf and am hoping to find out that all the fuss has been about nothing. I’d like to hear everything is fine medically and the ache is simply one of those things that happen with time. My leg has been around for 48 years, maybe it’s simply tired, a little cranky and feels it has earned the right to ache a bit.

At some point soon, in another doctor’s waiting room perhaps, I hope to bump into the old man again; the one who passed on his father’s warning to not get old. I’d like to tell him he is right about these appointments becoming more frequent as you get older and can’t imagine how difficult it must be to juggle them into your 70’s, 80’s and beyond when they become more and more serious. But still, as everyone says, it’s far better than the alternative.